The notebook she kept was a gift for her son,
the explicit descriptions of drugs and sex
a sort of how-to manual for how to do it right.
She wanted to save him the embarassment
of not knowing what tossed salad meant,
or how to raise a vein properly.

She wanted him to be the kid who already knew,
who had it on good authority on how to do it,
where to stick it, when to touch it,
she wanted him to be the kid who laughed at others
and would never, ever be fooled.