I don’t know if it’s some sick kind of burnout or what, but today I keep trying to get into a couple different client gigs and I just keep getting frustrated. I finished up one little project and then went to go read a magazine for a while as a break, and when I set the magazine down I was relaxed, but as soon as I sat down in my chair and looked at the screen again I was angry.
I forget who it was that taught me that misery is the result of two conflicting desires, but this is a true thing. I get angry because I don’t want to be trapped in front of this computer when there’s so much else out there in the world to do, but then I need the money generated by being trapped in front of the computer. On top of that, a second conflict arises because I need to be working out instead of sitting here at this computer, because this week was a complete and total wash for the diet, due to eating out several times and spending my time on taxes and client gigs and family visits instead of working out as much as I should have been. A tertiary conflict appears because I’m hungry, but I can’t eat what I want because I need to be losing weight. See? A whole list of conflicts causing problems.
I have yet to reach the balance I’m attempting to attain through my optimization exercises, this much is clear. Someday. For right now, I’d settle for some relief from the Pavolvian conditioning I seem to be suffering every time I sit down at the keyboard. Good grief.